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The Weekly Roundup: Verminator, Super Mario or Bellend Balotelli? & Gray/Keys In Trouble Again!

A review of the week’s events in the world of football in another jam-packed edition of The Weekly Roundup

17.01.11 Verminator in for repair – Arsenal’s goal scoring centre half Thomas Vermaelen inherited his nickname from the infamous 80’s movie character the Terminator, an indestructible, powerful machine. Vermaelen has been out since early September and is set for return – (date pending) – well god knows when, as it seems as if he suffers a new setback every week…so yep definitely a fitting choice in names, Gooners!

18.01.11 Cantona’s new challenge – Probably tired of the movies, endorsement deals and commercials Eric Cantona’s done the unthinkable and actually decided to try his hand at football. Appointed this week as ‘Director of Soccer at the New York Cosmos’ he’d probably tell us that the lure of building the credibility of soccer (which can’t be built until they start calling it football) in the States was too much to turn down (even though we know all those Benjamin Franklin notes may have played a part)

19.01.11 Denilson sticks his foot in it – When the Denilson-Cesc story broke you instantly knew that he’d gone home, done an interview and been ‘misquoted’. He hadn’t called Cesc a bad captain and they were in fact the best of friends, it was just a silly misunderstanding! Cesc later posted – -(which I must say was very very cheesy) as confirmation of there not being a rift and that was that. What I can never get my head around is how some parts of an interview get lost in translation whilst others don’t, Is it harder to convert certain words/phrases into English? In the same interview Denilson also praised Arsene Wenger stating, “His work is amazing and I admire all he has done giving opportunities to young players” but I guess what he’d really meant to say was ‘He’s a sh*t manager who’s over reliant on youth’, those damn misquotations!

19.01.11 Kenny Miller’s arrival at Bursaspor –“Oh my god, I’ve got myself into sh*tloads”

19.01.11 Super Mario or bellend Balotelli – You’ve got to love Balotelli, (unless you’re Jack Wilshere, an Inter fan, Jose Mourinho, Wayne Rooney ect ect.) as he’s highly amusing. In his quest to insult every known figure in the world of football (or unknown in Wilshere’s case) he unleashed his views in an interview with The Sun: On Mourinho: “Roberto Mancini’s the most important coach I’ve ever had. He’ll soon become No 1 in the world. But already in terms of human qualities, he is two kilometres ahead of Mourinho. Wait, make that 10km”/ On Wayne Rooney:”He’s good but he is not the best in Manchester.” /On the Premier League: “The Italians are tactically stronger. In England it is easier to score.” /On Mancini’s English:”He must say nothing. His English stinks. But is improving. Mancini is lucky. In Sheikh Mansour he has an owner who speaks little, and only asks, ‘What do you need?” & there’s not a misquotation/ mistranslation in site.

20.01.11 The brains of Clarke Carlisle Vs The non brains of Jermaine Pennant –Burnley footballer and PFA Chairmen Clarke Carlisle went a far way to erasing the stereotypes of ‘stupid footballers’, after a sound performance on Question Time this week. Carlisle said that there is a ‘massive media conception about footballer’s intelligence’. On the same day the story came out of Spain about Jermaine Pennant forgetting his Porsche in a car park in Zaragoza for five months, with no memory that he owned one. What’s that they say one step forward and 98,000 back (the same price of his car by the way)

23.01.11 Andy Gray + Richard Keys caught with their pants down, AGAIN! – A big shiny studio, fancy-shmancy equipment and two overpaid pretenders in Andy Gray and Richard Keys. All that money willingly wasted at Sky Sports and not a decent pair of microphones around. The papers yesterday published the gaffs made by the presenters on Saturday, as they once again got caught laying into someone when they thought their microphones were off, their latest victim’s lineswoman Sian Massey and West Ham’s vice chairwoman Karen Brady. The Daily Mail reported; “Commenting on Ms Massey, Mr Keys said: ‘Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her.’ /Mr Gray, a former Scottish international footballer, replied: ‘Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule.’ /Mr Keys replied: ‘Course they don’t. I can guarantee you there will be a big one today. Kenny (Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish) will go potty. This isn’t the first time, is it? Didn’t we have one before?’ /Later in the exchange, Mr Keys said: ‘The game’s gone mad. Did you hear charming Karren Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Do me a favour, love” It was third time unlucky for Keys who was also caught in the same way during a 2007 European qualifier between Scotland and the Faroe Island saying, ‘Daft little ground, silly game, fu*k off’ and an attack on Walcott last year in Arsenal’s second leg qualifier against Barca where he said, ‘You’ve been sh*t son in your daft little boots, absolutely rubbish’ Now we all have opinions and we’re entitled to them. It just seems a little contradictive insulting people when you don’t even have the brains to operate an on and off switch, genius – take a bow lads, take a bow!

Transfer window – The best of the week’s transfer gossips and moves.

Liverpool linked with a move for Luis Suarez, Pepe Reina fears for his place. Arsenal linked with a move for Matthew Upson, a typical Arsene Wenger centre half, poor! Blackpool reportedly turn down a 4million pound bid from Liverpool for Charlie Adam who has 18months left on his contract, Ian Holloway continues to grow delusional by the week. John Carew joins Stoke for the remainder of the season, Tony Pulis and his obsession with poor man’s Drogba

*Highlight of the week* Which of the week’s strikes deserves highlight of the week, as always you decide. (Please leave your comments below)

Raul Meireles

Bradley Johnson

Robin Van Persie’s second

The Weekly Strip

The big footballing story of the week was undoubtedly the kerfuffle surrounding Darren Bent’s transfer. The Weekly Strip has the inside scoop of how it all played out (well it’s embellished account of events).

In a jealous rage over teammate Asamoah Gyan scoring Sunday’s derby equaliser Bent vents his frustration with a string of indirect updates via…

…“@Ashley Young how are the birds up there?, Sunderland makes benty feel ;-[ & New challenges? The deal’s announced Monday and goes through the following day with the front man sent…

(huge transfer fee, massive wages and a black bag for your belongings, really?) but one man left scratching his…

is Villa’s former gaffer, (who’s currently paying back the money he spent in advance last week when he thought he had a job) about how Randy Lerner could part with that amount of money. Steve Bruce started crying over Houllier not giving him a bell before the deal…

(Welcome to T-Mobile your total balance is £0.00), but doesn’t Bruce know that Houllier and his unhealthy Liverpool obsession only sees ex united when he looks at him

….(thy shall not shake the hand of the enemy) The Sunderland players on the other hand were ecstatic at the news that Bent‘s goal bouncer is up for grabs – (especially Zenden) He only went and scored the winner against City on his Villa debut, what a week! I bet not even Harry’s…

…could have topped that.

Look out for The Weekly Roundup Every Monday & Feel free to follow me on twitter @marvinwilliams



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  2. Fab4

    January 24, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Funny as fook mate. Good stuff once again. Balotelli is a complete bellend in my opinion!

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